


Snow Flakes

by Heldpeach



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Bad Puns, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, F/M, Modern Girl in Thedas, Multi, Nugs, OC's are ridiculous, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Swearing, dont take this seriously, pop culture references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-03-26 07:01:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13852521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heldpeach/pseuds/Heldpeach
Summary: ***Slow Updates***A mother, her daughter and the latter's girlfriend find themselves in Thedas with no explanation  and far too much time on their hands.  Two of them are pretty well versed in the lore ... one of them ... isn't.How will Thedas survive their ridiculous antics?





	1. Is that a Nug?!

**Author's Note:**

> One of my best friends threatened me with bodily harm if I didn't write her something that could cause a toothache. Something about everything I write being gory and filled with tragedy. 
> 
> This silly romp is the result! Not sure if it really qualifies as fluff ... but I tried, I REALLY REALLY tried!
> 
> Main characters are totally inspired by myself, my daughter and her girlfriend.
> 
> **updates will be sporadic**
> 
> ***Will accept prompt suggestions for future Chapters, feel free to leave them in the comments down below***

 

Three women, of varying ages and dress, trudged through a snow storm with growing agitation. None of them were prepared for a hike in the wilderness and this unexpected detour had them all on edge. The oldest of the three wore all black, her long curling raven hair reaching far past her waist, and a pair of glasses that were sitting askew due to being damaged. She was middle aged, pudgy in all the wrong places, and shorter than the others. The Asian woman had multiple gold and silver piercings in her ears, a stud in her nose, and was breathing heavily with exertion. “I'm too fucking old for this shit,” she grumbled.

“At least you're wearing combat boots! I'm in freagin' knee high pleather with no trac … aaaahhH!” The youngest of the trio tripped into one of the drifts and let out a string of unintelligible curses before her upper body finally burst out of the snow. “This … is ALL YOUR FAULT CHELLY!” Harmony cried despairingly at her mother. The teenager tried in vain to remove the snow that was melting into her Tinkerbell hoodie while glaring at them all.

“I fail to see how any of THIS is my fault.” Chel snapped while rolling her eyes and waving at the icy landscape.

Shrugging at them both Melody reached over and helped her girl-friend out of the snow. “This isn't helping guys.” Harmony blushed as the tall, gorgeous blonde gently helped to brush the snow from her metallic-green hair. Melody was a military veteran and had the physique to match. Her preferred tight-fitting layer of multi-colored tank tops, and jean-print yoga pants were doing little to stave off the cold however. She shivered and Harmony immediately removed her hoodie to drape it across the taller woman's shoulders.

This left Harmony wearing a dark-purple knit sweater and black shorts over striped leggings. “I … I'm warm … err warmer ...” Harmony stuttered shyly before the other girl could protest. Melody smiled and pulled the younger woman in for a hug as they rested their foreheads against one another. Their eyes were closed and the moment was becoming intensely intimate.

Chel cleared her throat and waggled her eyebrows at the two reminding them that she was still in the vicinity. Recalling her earlier ranting Harmony pointed to the great swirling maw of pulsating _green_ that loomed in the sky overhead. “HOW IS THIS NOT YOUR FAULT?! In case no one else has noticed, THAT is the BREACH! WHICH IS FICTIONAL!”

Chel shrugged saying, “Yeah. And? I'd say that's problem number two considering we're going to FREEZE to death if we don't find shelter soon. Just saying.” The woman didn't seem too worried about any of their predicament.

“How can you be so calm about all this?!” Harmony said with rising panic. “We're in a VIDEO GAME! I knew obsessing over it that much wasn't healthy!”

“Bitch, you were obsessing just as bad as I was,” the older woman said with a touch of sass in her tone.

Melody smiled saying, “If there's two things we can count on from your mom it's brutal honesty and calm under pressure.” This earned her a glare from her partner.

“Yeah … pretty much the opposite of YOU.” Chel said with a smirk that earned her more glaring from the moody eighteen year old.

Said eighteen year old suddenly narrowed her gaze with an evil grin saying, “Damn dude … that's cold.”

Chel rolled her eyes and started pushing through the snow again. “Puns … really? NOW?”

“Always,” Harmony mock whispered before giving into giggles.

“Do you know where we're even going Chelly?” Melody asked trying to keep Harmony from falling again.

Chel shrugged, looking back at the growing Breach. “As close as that thing is, and the fact there's a giant green tornado … waypoint? I figure if we keep heading towards it we're bound to find the Temple of Sacred Ashes … well … the crater that used to be the temple anyway. From there it should be easy to find Haven … unless we run into Inquisition forces first that can direct or arrest us. Either way we'll be out of the damn cold.”

“Wow … you know way too much about Thedas woman.” Melody observed looking around them nervously.

Chel grinned at the blonde knowingly before retorting, “Really? Is THEDAS what this world is called??? How did you know that I wonder?” The sarcasm was strong with this one.

"Yeah ... I'm thinking osmosis," she muttered. Though Chel obviously heard her; as evidenced by the raised eyebrow. 

“Oh, my GOD. How early do you think this is in the game? I mean did the Breach just happen? What if the Herald is still in the Fade? Wait! Does this mean we'll get to meet DORIAN!?!?! Oh shit, what if we can't speak COMMON!?” Harmony pouted while getting progressively louder as Melody tried to quiet her.

Chel shushed her daughter rudely as they approached the top of the latest hill they'd climbed. The three women grew silent as they stared at a very familiar frozen lake. “Or we can stumble directly on the aforementioned town bypassing all that extra hiking,” she said cheerily.

Harmony rushed passed her mother to get a better view, lost her footing, and rolled down the hill with a frightened screech. The other two made their way to her quickly as she skidded to a stop just before the ice. Melody checked to see if anything was broken, while Harmony's mother gave her what she affectionately called 'lecture face.'

“I have an IDEA. Why don't we tromp around like a herd of *Oliphants till the Inquisition takes notice and decides we're dangerous interlopers in need of a good Templar beating?” Harmony was always amazed at how much condescension her mother could pack into a couple of sentences. Just as she was about to defend herself the older woman lunged to the side, grabbing something that wriggled from the snow with a triumphant grin.

Melody climbed over Harmony to see what she was holding … and started to squeal in delight. “Is that a NUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S SO CUTE!!!!” The woman bounced in place excitedly, both hands reaching out with grabbing motions. “GIMME! GIMME GIMME!”

Sighing in resignation Chel handed over the adorable pink creature as she scanned their surroundings. “Why do I even bother?” Suddenly they were surrounded by a deadly ring of steel blades and drawn bows. Chel raised her hands in surrender, nudging Melody with her elbow, and Harmony with her right boot. “We've got company girls. Try not ta say anything that'll get us killed?”

Melody was oblivious to anything but the critter she was showering kisses on until Harmony pointed out it wasn't sanitary. “Um … I'm not kissing you until you brush your teeth.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Oliphant - those giant elephant things with the humongous multi-tusks from the Lord of the Rings!
> 
> Edited to correct character names, I actually changed their names a few times while writing this and missed a few instances.


	2. CellPwns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition reacts to music by Drowning Pool...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my birthday! Whoo! I refuse to be stressed out by ANYTHING! 
> 
> Behold! Another bit of silliness.

What happened within the next few minutes was not at all what Chel had been expecting. She'd prepared for SOMETHING to happen, seeing as she was in the company of Tweedledum and Tweedledee, but it was still ridiculous. Contrary to what she'd actually been prepared for it wasn't either of her daughters that caused everything to explode into violence. They had been taken into custody rather smoothly, being marched towards someone with the authority to decide what was to be done with them.

Harmony clung to her arm, failing to hide the little squeaking noises of recognition, as they passed the docks, and approached the picturesque Haven. They could just make out the blacksmith and the small corral for horses as they were being led towards the main gates. Chel was a little surprised that they were being taken straight into the town until she realized they'd been apprehended by a scouting party, which meant they were being taken not to Cullen, but Leliana. Her palms began to sweat and she cursed under her breath drawing both Harmony and Melody's attention.

“Nightingale,” was all she whispered.

Harmony's eyes widened in sudden realization, while her significant other stared at them blankly. “Shit.”

 

[Bodies](https://open.spotify.com/track/7CpbhqKUedOIrcvc94p60Y?si=ks3jcrmbRVuNHNqb1pvGTg) – Drowning Pool (Click to play via Spotify)

 

The gates were fast approaching, armed guards eyeing the trio of prisoners curiously, when chaos erupted around them. It took a moment for her to register what had caused tensions to rise again when it dawned on her what the cacophony of noise was … her cellphone alarm was ringing. “Whoa, whoa guys, calm down, there's no need to get stabby.” She reached slowly for her pocket to try and quiet the very loud, angry music she'd chosen for this particular reminder. “I'll explain everything, just let me stop it.”

Melody groaned saying, “MOM! You're taste in music is going to get us killed!” The Thedosians couldn't hear them over the growing panic and loud chanting of the song.

If that was all they'd done it probably would have been salvageable but of course that's not where it ended. A large, linebacker of a man in Templar armor, began bellowing at them. They were apparently everything from Abominations to Bloodmages and he charged from his position at the gate. “Perfect,” Harmony hissed trying to tuck herself between Chel and Melody. She'd only taken a single step when someone grabbed her by the hair violently, causing her to cry out in pain.

Harmony instinctively throat punched the offending scout hard enough to drop him. Chel was simultaneously proud of her daughter's reflexes, and horrified by the inevitable reactions. Weapons that had previously been sheathed, when they weren't perceived as a threat, were again aimed in their direction. Melody threw herself in front of her girlfriend to shield her; and all three women took defensive stances, guarding one another's backs. The scouts that had been escorting them lunged, daggers in hand, trying to separate them.

Seeing the danger was enough to trigger Chel's maternal instincts, and she ignored the music that still blared from her pocket. Instead of trying to diffuse the situation calmly, she swiftly dropped the chain hooked to her jeans, fitting its weight comfortably into her hand and whipped it around the Templar's sword. She wrenched the blade away from him, using the chain like a whip, and the weapon skidded to a halt at their feet.

Melody had already smoothly disarmed one of the scouts, snapping his arm at the elbow, and slamming him into the dirt with little effort. “Don't fucking TOUCH her,” she intoned threateningly. Everyone was shouting at once, trying to be heard over the unfortunate song. Chel deftly caught the dagger tossed to her by the blonde and absently wrapped the chain around her off hand. The sword then found its way neatly into Melody's grasp as she used her foot to kick it up to herself without taking her eyes off the hostile guards. “So much for cooperating. I thought you said they were civilized Chelly.”

“Yeah … well, I may have overstated their intelligence a bit. Who knew they'd be scared of a little music.” Chel grunted as she fished out the offending cellphone.

Harmony groaned saying, “Please don't insult the guys about to skewer us!”

Chel thought they were doing rather well against the odds considering but this was escalating much too fast and her family could be injured or killed. Thinking quickly Melody held the cellphone aloft and started screaming above everyone, “Please help! This artifact of evil must be destroyed!” Ignoring the looks of confusion from her companions she threw the cellphone to the ground dramatically. “Quick! Kill it before it devours us all!”

Chel then stomped down on the item in question, but it did little damage due to the casing, though the screen protector shattered. Catching on immediately Melody swung the sword at it repeatedly. Glass and microchips flew with each stab and Chel suppressed a cry of despair as her Samsung Galaxy 8 became no more. The chanting of 'let the bodies hit the floor' began breaking into static with each strike, until finally falling silent.

They dropped their weapons and raised their hands in surrender once again. Obviously confused, the newly arrived Commander Cullen looked from the women's faces to the alien object on the ground and back. Then he cautiously stepped forward and jabbed the device with the tip of his sword.

“Is it dead,” Harmony asked with convincing fear. Seeing as they had been fighting for their lives just moments before it wasn't much of a stretch.

“I … think it is,” he said uncertainly.

Chel sighed exaggeratedly saying, “Whew, THANKYOU! You're valiant distraction helped us to subdue the beast! We are forever in your debt!” She threw him a brilliant grin that may have been tinged with a little fan-girl worship.

They were taken into custody; the Commander still eyeing them with suspicion. Not that Chel could blame him, she felt rather ridiculous, but at least they were alive. They were taken to the dungeons without further incident but she wondered how they would explain away the other two devices. After all, they each carried one; they were highly addictive. There was little doubt they would be more thoroughly searched once Leliana arrived. That was one scary woman ...

 


	3. What shackles?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our three ladies are interrogated. Sorta.

The hooded woman woman hadn't said a word since entering the room. She could tell that just by the way she moved she was confident and smug.  That meant she was either really good, or had the power to back up the attitude.  She followed her with her eyes and didn't say a word.  The mystery woman would have to speak first.  Chel had warned her about this.  Leliana ... if she remembered right.  Beautiful, deadly, and cold calculating master spy.

It was a good bet someone was handling the others just as she was being handled now. She just needed to stick to the plan. It was a stupid plan.  But it was all they had.  So even when Leliana finally began speaking to her, she said nothing.  She clenched her jaw and steadfastly ignored a woman that could easily decide she wasn't worth the effort and knife her.  Oh, Melody planned on fighting back if that happened, but it wasn't really herself she was worried about.

Melody had been locked in here alone with her thoughts for hours.  It had been long enough for the room to grow stuffy and confining.  There was no natural light, and the tallow candles' smoke left a film in her throat.  They had simply marched her in here and left without explanation.  It only took her fifteen minutes to remove the shackles and shamelessly leave them on the table.

She had been trained for these contingencies, it didn't really phase her. What bothered her was that her family wasn't. Oh, Chel was tough as nails, but she had a wicked temper.  It's why she and Harmony tended to call her the Hulk. There was no telling what the woman would do if she thought either of them had been hurt. Chel had a mean streak a mile wide, and God help anyone who crossed her sense of right and wrong. If someone had been stupid enough to try man handling her they likely had at least one broken bone or possibly a nasty bite.  

Harmony.  She wasn't a delicate flower, but she wasn't used to this kind of treatment. Harmony  was an artist like her mother, but her defining trait was that she FELT everything. They often joked that she must be empathic, picking up on the emotions of everyone around her, sometimes before even entering a room. She couldn't leave a homeless man without offering him lunch. No abandoned puppy would be left on the cold street when she could offer it comfort and a ride to the nearest no kill shelter. Harmony also had a tendency to babble inanely about everything, flitting from one topic to the next without preamble, and seemingly little to connect it all.

The woman said something that she didn't really register when she finally spoke.  “What happened to my Nug?”  She was sure she saw Leliana's eye twitch.

_*_ _*_ _*_ _*_ _*_ _*_

Chel had also unlocked her shackles, though she was at least keeping the appearance of still being bound.  She was currently picking dirt from under her fingernails with limited success.  It was hard to do anything when you couldn't see a foot in front of your face.

_I wonder if this is something they can Heal. Would be nice not to need glasses ever again._

“Why do you wear this?”  Cassandra looked at her cracked glasses like they were responsible for killing the Divine.  The way she had carried on the last hour was enough to make her reconsider liking the woman. “What is their purpose!”  She slammed her hand on the table and Chel flinched. Cassandra was ridiculously intense.  All this over some eye-wear.

She was getting testy, that was never a good thing.  An angry Chel led to words coming out of her mouth involuntarily. It also meant her Tennessee drawl made an appearance with a vengeance. Squinting at the blurry woman she said again, “They're to help me SEE.  I already told you that.  Apparently you have a hearing issue.  Maybe yeu shud hayve et chayked owt wieth yer healer.  An' dun BRAYK em or I'ma lose ma SheEt..” It was something she'd mostly rid herself of since she was in middle school.  She'd grown tired of the reactions to an Asian woman speaking that way.

Her shift in accents seemed to startle Cassandra into quieting for a moment.  She quickly gathered herself and leaned forward to angrily retrieve the item in question.  Chel beat her to it, baring her teeth, and putting them back on her face. “Staring at 'chu as a splotch fer an hour has been fun 'n all but how's 'bout we git on weith et.  Et's givin' mey a headache.”

“Where are you from.  I have never heard such an accent.”

Chel sighed.  She hadn't realized she had slipped into it.  She quickly rid herself of the familiar twang. “Nowhere.  Look.  I already told you.  I'll answer your questions when my friends and I are together.  Not before.”

“You mean your daughters, don't you?” Cassandra said in triumph.  Either one of the girls had broken and told them, or Leliana had fed her some speculations.

Rolling her eyes Chel crossed her arms stubbornly.  “I dunno.  Do I?”  She set her jaw and gave her a steady glare. “I mean, they don't particularly look all that much like me do they.  SO many answers awaiting just a little cooperation from you Seeker.”  She wasn't sure why she emphasized Cassandra's title, but she was definitely feeling hostile.

“Strange that you should exchange your accent for a Dwarvish one.”

“Yeah … well it's more accepted to speak this way where we're from.”

“... And where is that exactly?”

“Somewhere, over the rainbow,” Chel sing-songed with a grin. “And over the hill, and under the hill I came.”

“Ugh.”

Chel couldn't help smiling at the familiar sound while tilting her head which only irritated Cassandra more. She belatedly realized she'd left the shackles on the table when she'd reached for her frames. Cassandra retrieved them with a glare, and slammed the door as she left.  Oops.

* * * * * *

“I'm lonely and I'm sweaty,” Harmony suddenly blurted.

Cullen raised an eyebrow at her.  “That … is unfortunate.  Perhaps if you would answer a few questions I could … arrange more comfortable lodgings.”  His smile didn't seem to reach his eyes and made her a little nervous.  Okay a lot nervous.  REALLY FUCKING NERVOUS.

_Oh my God I did NOT say I was LONELY AND SWEATY!!!!_

“SURE,” she all but yelled in a high pitched squeak.  Cullen blinked in surprise but seemed to take her sudden outburst rather well.

_SURE??????  What is WRONG with me?? That's the opposite of what I'm supposed to be DOING!!!!!  Mom said to keep my trap SHUT! But it's CULLEN!!!!!!!!!!!_

She cleared her throat and tried again.  “I mean.  When my mum's with me.”  She said the last with a rather good impression of his accent.  It was a nervous tic of hers.  She could do a LOT of accents rather convincingly.

“You're mother?”

Realizing her slip she switched back to her natural pronunciation.  “I mean, stranger! TOTAL STRANGER.”  She shook her hands, rattling the chains loudly.  “I call EVERY woman I know mom.”  She laughed awkwardly.  It sounded suspicious even to herself but she smiled anyway.

“You're rather bad at this aren't you,” he said with a smirk.  He appeared to find her discomfort rather amusing.

“I love your scar,” she suddenly sighed.  This was immediately followed by a furious blush. She groaned and slammed her head on the table in embarrassment.

“I beg your pardon?”

“It's so COOL!”  She was shaking, dizzy with the knowledge that this was real.

“What … are you sure you're feeling well? You look ill. It's rather warm in here.”  He stood up looking at her in concern.  She was flushed red, the room was sweltering, and she was obviously delirious.  Cullen left the room suddenly, leaving Harmony with her scattered thoughts.

“I have a girlfriend,” she whined aloud to the empty room.  “Stop being SO HOT!!!!”  She fidgeted and slipped her hands from the shackles.  They didn't take into account that her wrists were very tiny.  Nor had they taken into account how slick with sweat she was. She couldn't count how many times she'd slipped cuffs the same way.

_Wow._

_That's not how I meant it.  I meant from practice! I practiced!!!_

_For FUN!  Heh.  No!  Not like that!_

_Oh God, I'm even freaking out at myself now._

Cullen returned shortly to find her standing in a corner and gently, but repeatedly, bumping her forehead against the wall.  It was as he feared, they'd pushed the woman too far. Solas entered behind him and looked at her in growing concern.  “Perhaps you should lay down?”

The Commander frowned as he bent over to retrieve the discarded shackles.  “How …”

Solas coaxed a now even more stunned Harmony to sit leaning against the wall while he examined her.  Her jaw worked up and down, and her eyes widened as she watched in awe of one of her favorite characters.  She couldn't help staring at him, which only convinced the men that she was suffering some kind of trauma.  “Tell me about the Faaa … heh heh … I mean.  Nevermind.”


	4. Leverage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls are ridiculous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special thank you to coldturkey and danafanel for putting up with me.
> 
> Life is still in turmoil, so updates will be sporadic.

“They are … odd,” Casandra groaned in disgust. “... and skilled.  The Lyrium shackles proved ineffective.”

“I've sensed no mana in any of them.” Cullen nodded to the dark haired woman inquiringly saying, “Have you Seeker?”

“No.  I do not believe they are mages.”  She began pacing around the table in frustration.  “Though reportedly the way they handle a sword seems more blind luck than skill.”

“Or that is what they want us to believe,” Leliana observed quietly as she gazed at the overly large map they’d spread in an attempt to narrow down their suspects origins.  “Are you sure you cannot place their accents?”

The Seeker crossed her arms and gave the Spymaster a hard stare.  “I have never heard them before. They appear to have … several. However, YOU are the one best suited for spycraft.”

Frowning as she recalled her own failure the redhead continued to glare at the map.  “What of the strange boxes they carried Solas, do they appear enchanted? Dangerous?”

The elven mage shook his head in the negative as he approached. “I have examined them thoroughly but they do not appear to be magical in origin.  They are of very high quality, much as the one they destroyed. The glass alone is remarkable ...” He seemed to hesitate but then receded into the background, casually leaning against a wall once more.

Casandra waved towards the unexplored regions depicted clearly along the known world.  “This is ridiculous. They are obviously foreign. One of them has GREEN __ hair and they were not even properly dressed for winter.”

The Herald stretched, and yawned loudly, drawing attention to herself.  She stopped mid stretch with a sheepish grin and brushed her, half shorn, dirty-blonde hair away from her freckle dusted cheeks. “Sorry, long night.  Is this really necessary so early in the morning?”

“No one forced you to stay up all night gambling with the dwarf,” Cassandra grumbled.

The human rogue gasped in mock surprise, “My reputation was on the line!”  Merriment danced in her fade-touched grey-green eyes.

“Enough Trevelyan.  It is highly suspicious. Their arrival cannot be, what, mere coincidence?”  Leliana appeared calm, but the steel in her voice suggested how disturbed she was by their sudden appearance. “The youngest is their weakest link.  Perhaps she could be persuaded …”

“I will not condone the torture of a child,” Cullen interrupted sternly, the wave of his arm causing his heavy armor to scrape and creak.  The Herald nodded in agreement like an overeager puppy before subsiding in embarrassment and suddenly finding her fingernails fascinating.

Leliana snorted derisively at Cullen.  “She has already admitted to having seen eighteen summers.  Hardly a child. You’ve seen wor ...”

“And joined the Inquisition for something better.  We MUST be better.” He set his jaw stubbornly.

Josephine sighed prettily from her chosen corner and gave them all an exasperated glare. “Then what?  Do we simply keep them under the Chantry forever? We cannot afford idle mouths to feed.”

“Are you suggesting we execute them?”  This did not sit well with Cullen.

Leliana waved aside his concern, “They are an unknown quantity.  A foreign power may be responsible for the Breach. It is imperative we glean all that we are able.”

Solas spoke again startling the arguing humans who had already forgotten his presence. “If I might offer an alternative?”  Leliana straightened, her hood falling back as she nodded for him to continue. “Perhaps we should do as they ask. Simply bring them together and observe.”  The room went silent as his words sank in.

“You attract more flies with honey,” Cullen muttered.

Leliana raised a brow, “That is quite poetic Commander.”

“It’s something she …”  The Templar appeared uncomfortable and flushed.  His discomfiture only grew worse as Trevelyan stared pointedly at him with a smirk. “This Chel is obviously their leader … perhaps even their mother.  They don’t wish to be seperated.” He turned toward Solas, hand comfortably sitting on his pommel in a habitual gesture. “The idea is sound ... we should see how they interact.” The elf looked out the window as though bored or distracted.

They quickly came to a consensus and Solas contemplated the strange arrivals as they worked out the details.  No matter how it went, he would need to speak with this Chel alone. There were questions that needed answering … preferably away from Leliana’s prying.  He would search her out in the Fade.

*****

Harmony threw herself at her mother as soon as they were left alone.  She didn't say anything because she didn't trust herself not to babble.  Chel simply ran her hand over her hair and rocked her back and forth, keeping silent until the girl stopped shaking.  She knew they were being observed, but her daughter's emotional well being came first in all things.

“Hush, love.  It’ll be alright,” she whispered.  Chel honestly didn't know if it would be, and tried to hide the tremor in her voice.

Melody calmly joined them and they spent the next few minutes just trying to breathe.  They huddled together, clinging to one another for courage. Chel’s mind was in utter turmoil.  She had never expected to be whisked into a game franchise. How did anyone sane even prepare for something like that?

“It’s a good thing you spent all that time on Ao3,” Melody suddenly mumbled and Chel flinched.  That was just uncanny timing. The blonde’s voice was loud, the closeness of the stone walls seeming to amplify every sound.

“Yeah,” the asian woman reluctantly agreed as she slowly released the girls from her embrace.  “Good thing … let’s just hope we develop superpowers.” She ran a hand through her long ebony locks and huffed in frustration.  “You know they haven't really left us alone.”

“Duh.”  Harmony said with a roll of her eyes.  She smiled suddenly and carefully but loudly said, “Ixnay on the upidstay.”

Melody smacked her on the shoulder playfully then slowly circled their prison. Searching for an escape she smirked at the cell door with a snort.

“What?” Chel and Harmony asked in unison.  “Jinx!” They all smiled at the familiarity of their silly game; despite the fact they never followed the rules.

Melody rolled her eyes, though she was still grinning, and gestured at the hinges.  “Who remembers Pirates of the Caribbean?”

Chel eyed their cage dubiously than began snickering.  “Your kidding…”

“Will Turner be praised,” Harmony breathed in disbelief.

The three women looked at each other and with exaggerated British accents blurted, “Proper leverage!”

They moved as a team and within moments had the nearby cot jammed into the bars.  “Are you sure this is a good idea,” Harmony asked while still continuing to press.  “I mean, won't this just piss them off more?”

“The first duty of any prisoner is to escape,” Melody grumbled immediately.  The oldest woman however paused and considered her daughter’s words.

“I hate to say it.  But she has a point.  Even if we break out of this cell … where would we go?”  Chel sighed and stared at the piece of wood still gripped tightly in her hands.

Melody shook her head.  “Step one, escape, step two steal food and gear, step three, get the hell out of dodge. You know the general layout of Thedas, we pick a city you know isn't going to be overrun by the nasty zombie ogres of doom.”

“Wrong … time zone.  That was  Origins , this is obviously  Inquisition .  Which means orb craziness and blighted lyrium Magisters bent on world domination.”

Melody scoffed as they all resumed escaping their cell.  “Okay. I didn't understand half of that. It’s like you speak in code or something.” She shushed Chel and continued, “Buuut, I'm pretty sure you mean spiky red baddies though. Annnd that means the plan still works.”

The door gave with a tremendous crash as the women failed to slow its descent once free of the hinges.  “Shit,” Chel spat. 

A guard immediately ran into the room but Melody had already grabbed a torch and threw it at him. By some miracle, and much scrambling, they managed to subdue him.  

Someone grabbed Harmony from behind and with a frightened screech she head butted them so hard there was a distinct crunch followed by a lot of cursing.  He was also quickly taken care of.

Breathing heavily, Chel dragged the unconscious guards into an empty cell.  Closing it she frowned at the lock when Melody jangled the keys in her face with a smile.  

“You’re welcome,” the blonde singsonged to the tune from  Moana .

“Asshat.” Chel retorted while motioning for quiet.  They unnecessarily snuck their way across the dungeon.  The women peeked out the main door with varying expressions of suspicion.

“You realize ….” Harmony began with a grin as she puffed out her cheeks.  She lowered her tone and did her favorite Star Wars impression. “It’s a trap!”

Chel sighed as though greatly burdened. “No shit, Sherlock.”  She cut off her daughter's protestations. “No way they didn't hear that. How the hell are we gonna leave here with only one stupid exit?”

“Fuck it.” Melody took the lead suddenly and traversed the corridor at a brisk jog.  “I say we run for it.” Harmony grabbed her girlfriend with a look of horror that gave them all pause.  

“What is it baby,” her mother asked with real concern.

Still looking distraught she lamented, “What about our cellphones!!!”

Melody shook her head in frustration, “Woman!!”

“Dammit.  We have to get them.” Chel rubbed her temples to fend off the growing headache.

No one was waiting in ambush up the dungeon staircase and it made them all nervous.  What were they playing at? How stupid did they think they were? Chel paused before they exited into the main hall.

_ Stupid enough to try this obviously.  Oh we are so getting tortured. _

“Where would they even keep ‘em ya think?” Melody was peering through the doorway as she whispered. “I mean.  We have to get them.”

“Oh, yes.  Can’t let them find your search history.  Think of the scandal. All that  **pron** .” Some of the tension eased with Chel’s deliberate mispronunciation and wide grin.

“Moooommm,” Harmony groaned.  “Seriously, it could cause a lot of damage if they figure out how to open them!”

“Hey, just be glad they didn't get to see my lock screen.  How would I even explain why an ancient elven fresco from the  **_Vir Dirthara_ ** was plastered there?”

Harmony blushed beet red.  “Um … you don't think they actually managed to turn them … ON???”

Chel nodded noncommittally and Melody tried again.  “Well. Where would a technologically inferior society keep our magic mirrors of wonder?”

Parent and child looked at each other significantly before speaking in stereo. “Solas.”


	5. Rinse and Repeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls make their escape

Chel didn't trust how easily they made their way to Solas’ cabin undetected. Although they stuck to a route along the Chantry, close to the wall, and then wove through the trees to emerge behind the huts it was still highly suspicious. She was equally perplexed when she discovered his window was open and the objectives of their sneaking around just happened to be laying on his desk.

“This is way too easy,” Melody observed.

Harmony guarded the rear while Melody snagged a sack; dumping the contents in the snow. It appeared to be full of elfroot and Harmony took a handful and shoved it into her hoodie pockets. She shrugged at them whispering, “What. It might come in handy.” Chel followed her example with a nod.

They stared at the window nervously. It wasn’t that there weren’t people walking around. There were in fact citizens going about their own business. It was the distinct lack of personnel looking out for them they didn't trust.

“ _ Fenedhis _ .” Chel sighed. “Solas probably has that cabin warded as fuck. I don't see anything do you guys? Maybe one of us got … magicky when we got here?”

“In fact it seems you are ALL in possession of some skill.” The suddenly loud voice behind them caused Harmony to screech bloody murder. Solas stood as calm as could be with both hands tucked behind his back.

Chel lunged for the phones and promptly shattered them against the side of the cabin with all her strength. Solas did not attempt to stop her. Harmony gasped in horror, staring at the remnants with an agonized whine. Happy with the results Chel stepped between the elf and her daughter, Melody at her side, and acted as a shield.

She widened her stance aggressively. “Well that’s done then. How about you be a dear and don't mention we were ever here?”

“You think I would aid in your escape?” Solas was clearly not amused.

Chel waved away his words saying, “Aid is such a strong word. I’m asking for more of … an omission. That’s not so ... DREAD-ful.” She couldn't help the smirk on her face. Melody groaned.

“I see no benefit in this for me.”

Harmony was tugging on her sleeve but she ignored her. “Surely, Solas, an Apostate like yourself can understand our desire to be far from Chantry dealings.”

Melody rolled her eyes and whispered,“Seriously woman flirt with him on your own time.”

His eyes narrowed at Chel’s use of his name. “How are you hiding your abilities?” 

Chel raised an eyebrow at the sudden change in subject. “Abilities? What abilities?”

“Mom … MOM.” Harmony was calling her repeatedly; trying to grab her attention.

Chel turned in agitation to quiet her when she saw the fear on her face. Melody was looking at what she was pointing at with a similar expression. The sky was … flickering. People were walking backward, and a few of the buildings had gone translucent.

Harmony yelled directly in her face. “ **MooOoM!** We’re dreaming! Wake the fuck up!”

“You sneaky son of a bitch!” Chel turned around quickly and slapped Solas across the face as hard as she could. There was a resounding crack and the look of shock on his face was totally worth it. Everything turned green and then Chel sat up with a gasp … they were still in their cell. They had never left. Their meal must have been drugged.

All three women were on their feet in an instant. Looking over the bars Melody shrugged. It was still a viable escape option, but Solas would no doubt be guarding the phones even more now.

“He didn't have them working … I mean it was a dream but ...” Chel shrugged. “We could try explaining …”

Harmony and Melody spoke in unison. “Fuck ‘em.”

Chel nodded. “Okay. So we do exactly the opposite … right NOW. They’ll expect us to go for the phones and Solas hasn't had time to report us.”

They repeated their earlier escape; this time at a much faster pace, without the crashing door, and without the banter. The poor guards didn't know what hit them. Doing things in the Fade made for excellent practice it seemed. They took their daggers this time and calmly strode through the Chantry snagging food from a nearby altar as they left.

It was still the middle of the night, and quite dark. This was much better than walking out in broad daylight. Skipping the trip to Solas’s cabin the went in the opposite direction. They stilled in the shadows as the dread hobo himself passed by on his way to the Chantry.

“Follow me,” Harmony whispered. There was a piece of Haven that had always bothered them that would make escaping far too easy. 

Melody nodded to the unguarded quartermaster's tent. Shrugging she simply walked over and took three piles of standard issue gear. Chel made a face. Just how lax was their security here? Harmony gestured to indicate the guards that sat behind the tents; chatting and gaming out of boredom. Cullen and Leliana had their work cut out for them.

The trio put the extra layers directly over their own clothes while hiding in another group of trees. Seriously these trees were a bad idea, they disrupted sightlines and made for great ambush points. The boots they tied together and hung around their shoulders. They discarded anything that would not immediately be needed or might weigh them down. Harmony found a pack and shoved the extra supplies in it. Then they five-finger-discounted their way across Haven, taking anything they might have use for. Chel hated to admit it was kind of fun.

Soon enough they made their way behind the cabins near the main gate and quietly climbed to the roof. Soft snoring could be heard within and they tried to keep it that way. Sure enough the giant freaking boulders were still there, and unguarded, with no torches to light the area. The only tricky part was not skewering themselves on the oddly low part of the pointy-stick-wall.

There wasn’t even a large gap, a foot at most, and once on the opposite side of the wall the drop was a paltry four feet. Shaking their heads in disbelief they strode down the path that led towards the Hinterlands. Chel turned and headed into the trees for several paces, towards the hermit hut, then retraced them backwards to where the girls waited. 

Melody grinned, “Good call.”

They kept a steady pace for now conserving energy and took turns laying a false trail now and again. It was imperative they at least find the King’s road. They discussed possible destinations in hushed voices as they went. Chel was adamant they never go to Orlais. Harmony insisted they avoid Kirkwall. Melody suggested Ostagar just because it was a place she’d heard of to the exaggerated eye rolling of the other two.

An alarm sounded in the distance and judging from the torchlight that swarmed like angry hornets they needed to move. Luckily they had already changed their shoes and had spent most of their time on the rockiest parts of the path, leaving no prints. They took off running with Melody leading the way. She knew what they were capable of and would know how best to lose an enemy. At least they had a good forty minute head start and wouldn't freeze to death.


	6. Ugh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Montage!!!! Also letter writing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normally I hate when people include letters or journal entries. So I made sure this one had the reactions of the people reading it! Enjoyyyyyyyy. I had fun writing this one. Also edited the tags cuz seriously, this isn't fluff. I dunno what it is, but I can't write fluff apparently -_-

Chel groaned as she flopped onto the bench in exhaustion. They had arrived in the Hinterlands a few weeks ago and after several hours of debate they had decided to stay in the area. The roads were practically impassable due to rebel Templars, Mages, and the bandit-not-actual-bandits. Avoiding the rifts had been a cakewalk seeing as they knew where they all were. So … they continued to masquerade as what they happened to be dressed as; Inquisition.

Melody dropped the mountain goat they bagged earlier at the hunter’s feet. It wasn’t like the games. Refugees were starving every day. It wasn’t a matter of collecting up a set number of rams that magically kept everyone fed. They had spent an entire week just trying to keep as many people as possible alive. Demons were terrifying but the villagers had rallied behind them when the took out a wraith. They had been lucky to survive and Melody had started forcing her family to drill with her.

The first time they killed a couple wolves they had brought those in as well. There was some sort of stigma Thedosians had about eating predators and Chel had shut it down real quick. She wasn’t exactly tactful but it got the job done.

“Food is food. Eat it and live. Give into stupid, short sighted, superstition and starve. Do the fucking math!” Several more hunters volunteered after that.

They weren’t exactly sure how it happened but they were soon put in charge of several initiatives. Harmony, Melody and Chel stayed up late, discussing all they remembered of the missions in the area … it was substantial. They had played through the Hinterlands more often than any other zone. They began completing the small things. Nothing involving actual combat when possible.

No one left without at least five other armed individuals. They prevented the Templars from killing an elven farmer’s husband, found chests filled with money, potions, and clues to other locations. They warned the Mage that her Templar lover was in danger, and where he could be found. They even trekked to the cultists and managed to retrieve the recipe for the woman suffering from asthma.

Chel organized foraging parties, recruited from the refugees themselves, and systematically looted EVERYTHING left behind in the area.

Melody used her combat medical training and began teaching as many people as possible about basic field medicine. She worked with the men and women who volunteered and set watches. That was when the first attack came and though they suffered casualties they managed to repel the Templars.

Harmony took over the kitchens, or rather the open campsite acting as the kitchens. She grilled everyone on foodborne illness, made them wash their hands and built enough fires to keep people from freezing to death. She conscripted men with carpentry experience and started building a temporary barracks.

Together they forced the digging of latrines, rationed meals, and pooled resources. When fuel became a concern Chel surprised them by gathering ram dung from the surrounding countryside and burning it. Only wood was to be used for fires cooking food, and the smell was … interesting, but everyone stayed warmed. 

Everything they accomplished was cheekily credited in the name of the Herald of Andraste. Mother Giselle arrived a month later to find an efficient, strict, but relatively safe refuge for all. By the time more Inquisition soldiers started to arrive the girls were firmly supported by the refugees of the Crossroads. They met in the hut they had commandeered for themselves late one evening with heavy hearts.

“We have to leave,” Chel said sadly. “I spotted Harding and her crow today.”

“I hate to say it but you’re right.” Melody had already packed their bug-out-bags a week ago and she retrieved them.

“We’ve done so much here though. Mom … maybe we should just turn ourselves in.”

Melody grabbed her girlfriend by the arm, turning her to face them. “Are you crazy? We fucking escaped their custody. We incapacitated their guards and stole equipment. This Leliana bitch was not playing. You think the CIA was shady? They’ll fucking black bag us.”

“She’s right baby. I know this sucks but we gotta jet,” Chel interjected.

“We’ve saved lives; furthered their cause. What if we talked to Mother Giselle? She’s Chantry, she might be able to protect us.”

Chel shook her head grimly. “You’re right. She’s Chantry, which means she can’t be trusted. Religion makes people stupid. What do you think will happen when they discover what we are? Remember that Chant piece that gets repeated in the background in Haven all the time?”

Harmony sighed and recited, “As there is but one world, one life, there is but one God …”

“Our very existence proves a basic tenant of their entire religion WRONG. We’re from another WORLD. No, we run …”

“So … Redcliffe?”

“Redcliffe.”

“Isn’t that going TOWARD the problem,” Melody groaned.

They left their uniforms, instead donning a mismatched collection of armor they had gathered during their stay. Their escape was simple. The watches were set on rotations they had helped create after all. The girls did leave a note, along with the illustrated clues to locations they hadn’t been able to reach. After a short debate they also left a map indicating where everything they recalled was located, including the dragon and open rifts. They drew bears … lots of bears. 

It seemed the least they could do for the people that had trusted them with their lives. They left no hint about what direction they might flee in … but they couldn’t help tweaking the noses of those chasing them. It was in their natures.

*****

Varric was the first to notice the open letter laying prominently on the desk. He picked it up as Cassandra searched the room with a frustrated growl. Someone had already broken the seal before they arrived. The red wax had been imprinted with what appeared to be a stylized wolf. Solas had gone quiet as he glared at the letter Varric held up.

“Seeker. They left us a present. I really think Freckles needs to see this.”

**________________________________**

**_To those we were forced to leave behind,_ **

**_Know that we are proud of everything we accomplished during our stay. Take care of each other. You are good people; trying to survive in a realm gone mad._ **

**__________________________________ **

 

Varric chuckled. “They sure have been busy.”

“Mother Giselle has been singing their praises since we got here,” Trevelyn groaned. The woman ran her fingers through her unkempt hair. Varric had noticed it seemed to be a nervous tick. “She won’t shut up about them.” The dwarf continued reading the letter aloud.

**________________________________**

**_Talla, wash your hands or you’ll make people sick, that was your third infraction. Most of all we urge you to trust the Inquisition. They are trying to save the world, and they WILL succeed. We meant every word we said. You can trust the Inquisition. We are sorry for our sudden absence._ **

**__________________________________ **

 

“They are obsessed with cleanliness. The refugees say it was odd, but it seems to have worked. There are fewer illnesses than would be consistent with a camp this size,” Solas said thoughtfully.

“Nothing about this makes sense. Why would spies stop to SAVE people? Everyone is convinced they were sent here by US,” Cassandra growled angrily.

**________________________________**

**_Greetings and Salutations Herald of Andraste. Solas. Cassandra. Varric._ **

**__________________________________ **

 

Varric looked up at them nervously. “How in Andraste’s name did they know I was coming. Or my name for that matter?!”

“They’ve been calling me that since before the rumors in Haven even started. I will strangle them if that blasted title is their doing,” the petite blonde woman said heatedly.

“I suggest we continue reading. Perhaps they will enlighten us.” Solas didn’t sound like he thought that would be the case.

**________________________________**

**_We are sorry we could not be here to greet your illustrious selves in person. Let’s just say imprisonment is not our style … or premature execution._ **

**_We did your job for you, don’t waste the opportunity. Close these fucking rifts. We lost good people to demons the first week. Leliana probably knew we were here the whole time. No way the spymaster left us here for months without finding us._ **

**_You should ask her why she left us in place. We’re curious ourselves but … though we trust your mission; we don’t trust you to keep us together. Our SIGHT won’t work if we’re apart._ **

**________________________________**

 

Cassandra looked like she wanted to break something.

“Sight …” Solas muttered.

“So what, they’re claiming … that they’re mages?” Varric raised an eyebrow at Cassandra.

“They were not. Commander Cullen and I examined them personally. As did Solas.”

“They’re Seers …” Freckles bit her lip as everyone turned to stare at her. “What? I can READ ya know. Family did try to civilize me … tried. It makes sense. How else do you explain their escape? Well … escapes.”

Varric shook his head saying, “That doesn't explain why they would walk into Haven to be taken prisoner.”

“They may have been trying to volunteer their skills. As I did. Instead they were interrogated and met with suspicion.” Solas gave Cassandra a significant glance as he spoke.

“Now that you mention it … I would have run too.” Varric cleared his throat and continued reading as he avoided Cassandra’s irritated glare.

**________________________________**

**_Ir Abelas Hahren. Better luck next time._ **

**_P.S. We demand royalties if Varric puts us in one of his books. Cassandra, we can hear your ‘ugh’ from here._ **

**__________________________________ **

 

Cassandra gaped. “How?!”

Varric started laughing. “Oh, I like them.”

Solas asked to see the note and he handed it over with a grin. Freckles peered over his shoulder as he read asking, “Is that elven?”

“In phonetic Common … but yes.”

“What's it mean,” she asked curiously. Solas perked up at the question. The elf did love to impart knowledge … at length. He was hard to read usually but anything about the Fade or elves and he did seem to open up a little.

“Sorry, elder. Or ‘Old man,’ as I suspect they intended it. They are taunting us.” The elven apostate’s lips quirked in amusement.

“Yup. I like them.” Varric laughed harder much to Cassandra’s annoyance. “We really should consider that they’re helping us.”

“The remains to be seen,” the Seeker said and examined the map they had left for them.

 


End file.
